Do Not Buy These Loafers

In Amazon Unbound, Brad Stone’s essential reading on the continued rise of the e-commerce behemoth, there is a particular line that stuck out to me. Before Amazon opened the floodgates by allowing Chinese sellers to join the platform en masse, the company did a survey to see what was more important to its consumers: quality or price. The results: “And it turned out that plenty of people will buy dirt cheap sneakers on the internet, even if they suspect the shoes are not going to last that long.”

This was my thinking when I purchased this pair of loafers from a brand called Jousen. I recently moved into the top floor of an apartment building, and I wanted a pair of slip-ons I could quickly don if I needed to go down to collect a package from the mailroom or something. Since I did not plan to be walking in them more than, I don’t know, 100 feet at a time, I did not want anything expensive. Jousen obviously spends a lot of money on Amazon ads, because as I dug through the results it showed up on every page. And at under $40 it was easily the cheapest.

Jousen Men’s Loafers Casual Slip On Penny Loafer Lightweight Driving Shoes — $39.99

For $40, I was not expecting a lot. I figured with how sparingly I intended to wear them, I could hopefully get a few month’s worth of use. Then when they inevitably fell apart, I’d spend another $40 on a new pair.

That is not what happened. Admittedly, I have owned these loafers for nearly two months and they have yet to fall apart. And I do not suspect they ever will. Because I do not foresee a world in which I put them on my feet ever again. These are by far the most uncomfortable shoes I have ever worn—I can only equate it to wearing a hairshirt on your feet. Every step I took in them felt like punishment for some crime I didn’t even know I’d committed.

While I shouldn’t have been surprised that a cheap product from a no-name Chinese brand was shoddy quality, I will admit that I was. I know there is a culture gap between what the Chinese make for an American audience and what Americans actually use, but here I thought wearing shoes was a universal experience. Silly me.

The Jousen slip-on loafer has over 1,800 customer reviews. Reading through them, I can only assume the vast majority are fake. Anything with the word “comfortable” in it is easy to disregard out of hand. There is at least one review, however, which I have no doubt is genuine:

Nice and lightweight, but the interior cushioning is lacking, feels like walking of a cement floor, barefooted. Poor arch support, and heel is higher than toe area so you feel if you are walking downhill.

I could not have said it better myself. That is exactly what it feels like—walking downhill on a cement floor in bare feet. If you believe that sensation is worth $40, then by all means purchase your very own pair of this modern torture device. If not, just spend the extra $30 and get Rockports.